Anger at the Airport
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Anger at the Airport

You know what I hate most about this guy? He looks calm. Maybe his spirit animal is a duck. Maybe he’s working his chubby ass off under the surface. I admire the calm appearance. I am never calm. I am always one moment away from a hateful panic of fury. I do not belong among the dullards of basic, normal men. I am in constant need of a lobotomy or an alien abduction. I don’t belong here. Everything is terrible and the Matrix is fucked. Also, The Matrix is a stupid movie. Its sequels are even worse. I’m in the minority on this opinion, which proves my point.

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The Implications of Not Walking Faster
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

The Implications of Not Walking Faster

Excuse me. Can you please walk faster?
Don’t you have some place to be?
At least move to the right. Let me pass.
No, I’m not in a rush, I just have things to get to today.
I don’t mean to be rude. But you’re taking so long and holding up the flow of traffic.
It’s not just me. Look at that lady in the surgical boot. She probably has an appointment with her orthopedic surgeon. You’re keeping her from receiving healthcare. Are you Mitch McConnell? Who’s rude now?

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Celebrating a Bygone Wedding Anniversary
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

Celebrating a Bygone Wedding Anniversary

September 10, henceforth, shall be known as the Day of Broken Promises. It’ll be recognized as the day we all make promises none of us will keep. Because what is divorce if not a reneging on promises made to the person you once loved more than anyone else in front of all the runner ups?

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