...that the phrase “Just loop me in” is corporate code for “I want to handcuff myself to your brain until one of us dies.”

...that most teenage boys learn about sex from porn and most teenage girls learn about it from trauma and somewhere in between is a guidance counselor with a pamphlet and a panic disorder.

...that the algorithm is our new God—omniscient, invisible, and deeply invested in selling me socks I already bought. It knows my shame, my lust, my 3am spiral into videos titled ‘Top Ten Failed Soviet Amusement Parks’. It knows I clicked. It remembers. It doesn’t forgive.

...that capitalism is a casino rigged by drunk croupiers where the prize is a timeshare in Hell and the only way to win is to die with enough debt they can’t repossess your skeleton.

...that few things scar and clarify the soul more than witnessing the death of your parent. If anything screams “YOU, TOO, WILL DIE” it is that experience. How you die becomes a choice but only once you’ve chosen how you live.

...that God exists, but only as a sarcastic improv comic trapped inside a lava lamp, muttering, “Yes, and?” every time we beg for clarity.

...that most people don’t actually want freedom—they want the illusion of choice between two algorithm-approved options and a coupon code for 15% off regret.

...that if being a prostitute is just ‘sex work’ then why is it awkward if your manager at the local Starbucks offers you a raise for a blow job? It’s just work, right? “I’ll have a Chai Latte and a rim job. I’ll keep the tip.”