I Believe… [No Going Back]
...that you can’t go back to who you were but you can go back to where you belong.
I Believe… [Acknowledge This]
...that land acknowledgments are a collective pat on the back for people who want to seem aware without breaking a sweat. Trust me—money or land would mean more.
I Believe… [Heroin Chic]
...that, with Ozempic making the stars of Wicked look like they are on heroin, it’s safe to say that body positivity is as over as DEI.
I Believe… [AI Roast]
...that having ChatGpt roast you is a wonderful window into how potentially full of shit you are. It is a dispassionate revealer of how you appear to the online world and stings while pulling the veil aside.
I Believe… [Googly Eyes]
...that ownership and use of Googly Eyes as a man approaching 60 is a sign of an absolute refusal to grow old. Older, sure. Not old.
I Believe… [The Reese’s Takeover]
...that, if taken through the lens of truck stops and gas stations throughout the Midwest, Reese’s has taken over the world.
I Believe… [Follow the Money]
...that the most body positive corporations on the planet are McDonald’s, Frito-Lay, and Kraft.
I Believe… [Love Actually?]
...that my favorite part of Love Actually (which, mind you, is like declaring my favorite part of a Sizzler sald bar) is the story about the aging rockstar who realizes he’d rather spend Christmas with his loyal friend than party with Elton John.
I Believe… [The Paradox of Wisdom]
...that good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgement.
I Believe… [Intensity vs Depth]
...that intense and deep aren’t the same thing even if you’ve convinced yourself they are. Intense is momentary and fleeting; deep is the result of time and energy.
I Believe… [Banquet Platters]
...that few things are more appealing than leftover banquet platters.
I Believe… [Wrecking Ball]
...that, when coming in and making sweeping changes in an organization, it’s best to Miley Cyrus that shit and wrecking ball the place.
I Believe… [Too Much Absence]
...that some absence makes the heart grow fonder; too much absence makes the heart forget.
I Believe… [In Live Music]
...that music, like sex, sports, and theater, is best enjoyed live.
I Believe… [Spiteful Electioneering]
...that among the worst rationales for voting, the vote for spite is right up at the top.
I Believe… [Downshifting]
...that learning to downshift is more difficult than it seems but is a skill well worth mastering.
I Believe… [Expanding Empathy]
...that the people you encounter whose very existence challenges your worldview are an opportunity to expand rather than contract your empathy and common understanding.
I Believe… [Anticipation]
...that anticipating something wonderful is often more fun than the wonderful thing. If the two match up, that’s the juice, gang.
I Believe… [Puppy Casserole?]
...that if anyone in the country is guilty of eating dogs and cats they all live in the Appalachians.
I Believe… [The Tease of Autumn]
...that, after a summer broiling in a giant outdoor venue for hours a day, the tease of jacket weather is as sexy as the collarbone revealed with an off-the-shoulder dress.
...that God exists, but only as a sarcastic improv comic trapped inside a lava lamp, muttering, “Yes, and?” every time we beg for clarity.