![I Believe… [Hurricanes Give CNN Staffers Boners]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1536963404307-FV7F9XH7S8G61Q2DJTEE/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Hurricanes Give CNN Staffers Boners]
…that as horrifying as the latest hurricane is/was, all I can see in my mind’s eye is CNN programmers furiously masturbating (with consent from the female staffers, of course) as the ratings go higher and higher because nothing sells ads more than American disasters.
...that God exists, but only as a sarcastic improv comic trapped inside a lava lamp, muttering, “Yes, and?” every time we beg for clarity.