Donating My Body to Science
Just leave it outside the door. - Science
Police Commemorate Black History Month by Turning Off Body Cams
It shows we care about black people and their black feelings.
The Select Subcommittee Committee on the Weaponization of the Federal Government
The committee will be led by Rep. Jim Jordan from Ohio who knows a thing or two about suppressing voices.
I Spell Republican W-I-N-N-E-R Because I Don’t Know How To Spell
Not sure how I officially change from Dem to Republican other than to disable spelcheck.
Man Fights For Right to Marry Fictional Character
I’m open to different species, too. A big slug-like Hutt would be really interesting.
McCarthy Declares Victory, Claims Votes Rigged
McCarthy has asked representatives from Georgia to find him just 20 more votes.
Santos Apologizes-ish
I promise to make neighborhoods safer, lower taxes, and give everyone a pony.
F@#&! - It’s Christmas! Give Yourself the Gift of TSA Pre-Check In
For $80, the TSA will trust you to not blow up or hijack any commercial airplanes.
Senator Kyrsten Sinema Switches Species
Arizona deserves a representative that speaks for them and is gelatinous.
I the People - Donald Trump's New Constitution
We will now say “Merry Christmas” after the pledge of allegiance.
Memo from Elon Musk
People have the freedom to share their opinions about anything – movies, TV shows, the Jews.
THANKSGIVING DAY HEADLINES
Gangs of Vigilante Drag Queens Vow to Make the Streets Fabulous
Trump Announces Run for Warden
Does anyone know how to make Diet Coke in a toilet?
Rick Scott’s 12-Point Plan to Rescue America
We will secure our borders and only let in hot blondes.
Dr. Oz’s Miracle Cures for Our Nation
The solution to abortion is a pill. No. Wait.
Beware the Socialist Nightmare!
You will walk through a metal director where Sesame Street characters will take your guns.
GOP Halloween Candy Warnings!
Good & Plenty promotes a socialist agenda.
NASA Blows Up Asteroid Asks “Who Else Wants Some?”
Nice rings you got there, Saturn. It would be a shame if something happened to them.
Busload of Trumpsters Dumped at Mar-a-Lago
Now I’m stuck in Florida trying to get my grandmother to send me money for a cheap motel and some meth. A hooker would be nice.
Why Donald Trump was in Virginia NOT Golfing
What the libsharts forget is that Donald Trump is a businessman.
...that if being a prostitute is just ‘sex work’ then why is it awkward if your manager at the local Starbucks offers you a raise for a blow job? It’s just work, right? “I’ll have a Chai Latte and a rim job. I’ll keep the tip.”