Donating My Body to Science
Just leave it outside the door. - Science
The Select Subcommittee Committee on the Weaponization of the Federal Government
The committee will be led by Rep. Jim Jordan from Ohio who knows a thing or two about suppressing voices.
I Spell Republican W-I-N-N-E-R Because I Don’t Know How To Spell
Not sure how I officially change from Dem to Republican other than to disable spelcheck.
Man Fights For Right to Marry Fictional Character
I’m open to different species, too. A big slug-like Hutt would be really interesting.
McCarthy Declares Victory, Claims Votes Rigged
McCarthy has asked representatives from Georgia to find him just 20 more votes.
Santos Apologizes-ish
I promise to make neighborhoods safer, lower taxes, and give everyone a pony.
A Merry Christmas Punch/CounterPunch On the Sensitive Topic of One Mr. George Bailey, Part Two
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. It’s just so hard to argue something I no longer believe. Don Hall is right. George Bailey is not a good person. He never took a single step outside of Bedford Falls. His family lives in a drafty old house that he used to throw rocks at. He has a kid named Zuzu. Zuzu—short for Pazuzu, the demon from The Exorcist… I just, I can’t.
F@#&! - It’s Christmas! Give Yourself the Gift of TSA Pre-Check In
For $80, the TSA will trust you to not blow up or hijack any commercial airplanes.
Senator Kyrsten Sinema Switches Species
Arizona deserves a representative that speaks for them and is gelatinous.
I the People - Donald Trump's New Constitution
We will now say “Merry Christmas” after the pledge of allegiance.
Memo from Elon Musk
People have the freedom to share their opinions about anything – movies, TV shows, the Jews.
THANKSGIVING DAY HEADLINES
Gangs of Vigilante Drag Queens Vow to Make the Streets Fabulous
Trump Announces Run for Warden
Does anyone know how to make Diet Coke in a toilet?
Rick Scott’s 12-Point Plan to Rescue America
We will secure our borders and only let in hot blondes.
Dr. Oz’s Miracle Cures for Our Nation
The solution to abortion is a pill. No. Wait.
Beware the Socialist Nightmare!
You will walk through a metal director where Sesame Street characters will take your guns.
GOP Halloween Candy Warnings!
Good & Plenty promotes a socialist agenda.
NASA Blows Up Asteroid Asks “Who Else Wants Some?”
Nice rings you got there, Saturn. It would be a shame if something happened to them.
Busload of Trumpsters Dumped at Mar-a-Lago
Now I’m stuck in Florida trying to get my grandmother to send me money for a cheap motel and some meth. A hooker would be nice.
Why Donald Trump was in Virginia NOT Golfing
What the libsharts forget is that Donald Trump is a businessman.
...that if being a prostitute is just ‘sex work’ then why is it awkward if your manager at the local Starbucks offers you a raise for a blow job? It’s just work, right? “I’ll have a Chai Latte and a rim job. I’ll keep the tip.”