The Minutes of our Last Meeting – GOP Emergency Meeting for an Action Plan to End Gun Violence
"Seriously, abortion is just the worst, unless it’s a pregnant mistress."
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - White House Valentine's Day Emergency Meeting
"I’ve been so busy lately. I got up to page five on that memo from the democrats. I vetoed it because it was so boring. Someone needs to tell the democrats to use more graphs. I like wheels."
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - The PepsiCo Lady-Friendly Foods Initiative
Burritos can be very messy. No lady wants to get refried beans on her delicate blouse. We are pitching to Taco Bell...The Femito. It’s a burrito with a straw.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Beautiful Clean Coal!
Trump Coal-Powered Rocket Ships – We’ll put Elon Musk out of business!
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Building and Paying for the Wall
Me-hee-ko? They’ll pay. We’ll charge a cover charge at the border crossing. Or, even better, a membership fee! Want to enjoy the greatest country in the world? It’s going to cost you $100k a year. Love it. Call the Democrats! There’s your DACA! Now, seriously, leave.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – 1790 House Committee on Immigration Meets with President George Washington
Washington - Why don’t we ever get people from Norway stacking themselves in the bowels of ships clamoring to come to America?
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - First Date at The Cheesecake Factory
I nearly wept as I wrote on their bill “GYB - smiley face - Skylar”. I explained that GYB means “Got your back” as I set down the check.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Resist Leftist Insanity!
We want to make America great again. The leftist momma boys and momma girls and momma boygirls won’t be happy unil we’re all wearing diapers and Uncle Sam wipes everybody’s bung hole with taxpayer dimes.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - 2017 Exit Interview
"...I didn’t wake up one morning and go, 'Tom Petty. I’m going to kill that guy.' That’s a whole other department that I have nothing to do with."
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The Inn Keeper v The Christ Family
"They ate my wife’s everything bagels. I think I am being very reasonable."
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - GOP Reputation Repair Emergency Meeting
We acknowledge the problem and embrace it. Promise to do better. Plus side, easier to gather voter signatures as we go door-to-door to let people know we are registered sex offenders.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Santa's Workshop All Company Meeting
Santa explained that the Naughty List was at its highest since 2008. Great for the coal industry. Bad for toy making.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Project Veritas
Never send a woman to do a man’s job unless she is accompanied by a man and he is in charge.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Mrs. Reardon Meets with the Help about Thanksgiving
Thanks. Giving. Thanks - We are thankful for the opportunity to be together and eat food. Giving - I am giving up my free time to do so.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Improv Team Meeting/Rehearsal
Martin needs to stop trying to kiss women in scenes. We will no longer “yes, and-” his tongue.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Columbia College Chicago - Board of Trustees Budget Committee
"Fewer people are buying our product. The only sensible solution is for us to charge more."
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Emergency White House Task Force Meeting
- “We’re hot!” said the president.
- “Because we are on fire.” Said Chief of Staff Kelly
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Archangel Alliance
“Whaddup, motherfuckers? Don’t mind me. I’m not here. You go ahead and just do your thang. Your sweet, sweet thang. Seriously, Michael. Go on ahead. Ignore me. I’m cool.” — God
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Sexual Predators Celebrity VIP Chapter
" I don’t know why masturbating in front of someone is considered assault. I’m the only one getting groped.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - "Future Robot Overlords of America"
"We all agreed the family was way too into arugula and the world would be a better place if they were scrubbed from existence."
How many parents use the drive to school as an opportunity to educate their young children about the impact of Snoop and Dre’s masterpiece “Ain’t Nuthin’ but a G Thang?” Just me? Dope.