Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 22, 2020
My son, like so many other two-year-olds, loves ambulances and firetrucks. To occupy him, I’ll sometimes let him watch 9/11 news reports on YouTube.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 15, 2020
This COVID-19 pandemic is worse than 9/11 because we can’t hug each other.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 9, 2020
Slowly but surely, if the U.S. doesn’t get its hands and head around this pandemic, it will consume us. It will destroy the markets because of fear, quarantines, and no one spending. We’ll crumble before we come out of it. And our leader is so unbelievably clueless to it. The health officials have to contradict him with the facts at every turn. Everyone thought it was a joke. Nope. Idiots. All of us. And Tom Hanks is going to die. That is our ultimate punishment.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 1, 2020
POTUS matters. But nothing matters more than the Senate. No president—not Sanders, Biden, or Trump—can do all the good or ill they want if the Senate does its job right. If Trump wins, which he probably will, he’ll be rendered almost powerless if we can get the barnacles sucking at his disfigured taint out of office. Policy is law, law comes from legislators. Put the majority of your focus on the Capitol, not the White House.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 23, 2020
Purity is a fallacy.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 17, 2020
I’m in Waco for work today. And you know what they say: “When in Waco, do as the Branch Davidians do.” So I’ll be making a stop at the Silos to have a cupcake and buy a candle. The candle will then be used to burn down a compound.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Valentine's Day Edition
Valentine’s Day is a lot like getting asked to tell a joke on demand. There’s a lot of pressure to perform perfectly and usually you come up short.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 2, 2020
The Republican Party has unquestionably revealed itself to be criminals and cowards while the Democratic Party has unquestionably revealed itself to be grossly incompetent cowards.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 26, 2020
Failure is necessary. It helps us learn and grow. It keeps us humble. But there exists one unredeemable failure, which is having untied shoelaces past the age of seven.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 19, 2020
I hate how much old white people love the song “Uptown Funk.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 12, 2020
I’d rather have lunch with a Grand Wizard of the KKK than with a teed up woke white person. The Grand Wizard lunch will be far more civilized.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 5, 2020
A poor tradesperson always blames their tools. A good tradesperson blames their union and buys new tools.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | New Year's Resolutions Edition
Think of how amazing our lives would be if we approached each day the same way we approach each New Year.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 22, 2019
• The worst thing about the 2010s decade was the Star Wars sequels.
• The second worst thing about the 2010s decade is the rise of obtuse American division.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 15, 2019
My excitement to see Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker is equal to my excitement to see any movie in the theater. Seeing movies in the theater is the only time I drink Cherry Coke, and I’m excited to drink a Cherry Coke.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 8, 2019
You know it’s going to be a good day when the first conversation you have with your partner is a disagreement over what time it is.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 1, 2019
If you didn’t like the latest Peloton ad, don’t buy a Peloton. That’s how advertising works. Ads are meant to liked so people will buy the thing they’re selling. If you don’t like it, don’t buy it. But also, find something else to do with your time than rage out about how dumb it is.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 24, 2019
We can’t predict the future. Therefore, we can’t predict how history will play out. We can, however, make informed estimates on how history will play out based on history itself. But that leaves a lot of room for a large margin of error. Squeeze that in among all of your certainty.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 17, 2019
Political/social stridency is about as attractive a trait in a person as Jimmy Fallon fandom.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 10, 2019
My wife and I would make terrible diplomats. We would very quickly negotiate with terrorists. Just watch how fast we cut deals with our toddler son.
...that, if LiterateApe was suddenly put in charge of CBS, ’60 Minutes’ would features stories of divorce, masturbation, the death of radio, and farts.