The Cereal Wish | Part 1 (Again)
Thank God for the dog. If not for her, my girlfriend wouldn’t let me leave the house. When the pandemic got serious, she didn’t care about toilet paper; she b-lined it for the milk. Our freezer is perfectly packed with Swedish meatballs, broccoli florets, and twenty-three gallon-size Ziplocs of milk.
A Brief Poem About a Writer Who Doesn't Write—Revisited
They say—they being creative writing professors, esteemed novelists, and hacks with wordy Instagram posts alike—that writers write. Writers who get their shit out there—not all of it, but enough of it—are the real writers. True warriors of the pen and keys.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 20, 2023
I should've been a plumber. At least then being covered in shit feels productive.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 13, 2023
The hardest part about being an adult is the same as being a kid: so often, you have to do things you just really, really don’t want to do.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 6, 2023
Life’s greatest challenge is finding the middle lane without crossing over into oncoming traffic.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 30, 2023
All hype is subject to criticism.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 23, 2023
Don’t be a quitter, be a failure.
When an Ex Reaches Out
I was contacted by an ex the other day via email. Not an ex-girlfriend. Those remain, thankfully, quiet, likely steeped in their own lives thinking of me only by accident when their children or partner annoy them.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 16, 2023
“Neurodiversity” is the new “irreconcilable differences.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 9, 2023
When having a conversation around socio-economic-political things, you don’t have to give historical context with every opinion you offer. It’s a conversation, not a lecture. And as a general rule of common decency, when having a conversation, don’t lecture, it makes you sound like an asshole and we won’t want to talk with you anymore.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 2, 2023
Good food is like bad relationships: it all eventually turns to shit.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 25, 2023
I recently ordered sushi in English off a Hebrew menu while sucking back a German Pilsner. Tell me again why we can’t figure out world peace?
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 11, 2023
I have a closet full of luggage stuffed with grudges. But I’m such a fantastic packer that the grudges don’t weigh me down or hold me up, and there’s always room for more.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 4, 2023
I have a closet full of luggage stuffed with grudges. But I’m such a fantastic packer that the grudges don’t weigh me down or hold me up, and there’s always room for more.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 28, 2023
Great advice from my wife when dealing with a child when they’re being the worst goddamn thing on the planet: They’re not giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time. It’s great perspective. And, yes, sometimes I listen to my wife.
On Turning 44 | It’s Time to Grow Up
So tonight, at the time of this writing, I am two hours shy of my forty-fourth birthday and I’m going to dip into the past just a bit, just to the last year, to consider what I’ve learned. And then I’m going to close the door. But before I do, I’ll make sure it’s unlocked and the windows to the past are well Windexed, so that I don’t forget the lessons—all of them—and where I came from and who that boy was and continued to be.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 14, 2023
Martha Stewart is coming for Betty White’s place as America’s favorite old white woman. Stewart is ahead because we don’t just to hang out with her, we want to bang her.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 7, 2023
During rush hour on cramped public transit, the polite thing to do is remove your backpack and hold it at your side. Also, stick a piece of gum in your mouth. None of us deserve your morning coffee or dry afternoon breath.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 30, 2023
“AI expert” is a 2023 phrase that gives me the same feeling as “Social media expert” in 2009. As new as it is and as fast as it’s changing, how can you consider yourself or anyone else an expert? We should be mindful of the foreboding foreshadowing in front of us.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 23, 2023
“I just have so many acid stories,” is my favorite thing I heard this week.
...that most people don’t actually want freedom—they want the illusion of choice between two algorithm-approved options and a coupon code for 15% off regret.