Don Hall 3/25/19 Don Hall 3/25/19

I Believe… [The Search for Brilliance in a Dismal Time]

…that, in the Age of Hyperbole, perhaps it is a salve to give us some hope in the world, but the words masterpiece, brilliant, and cinematic genius are being thrown around for really good but hardly extraordinary films.

Don Hall 3/18/19 Don Hall 3/18/19

I Believe… [We're Only Human]

…that there is nothing wrong with capitalism and the only thing wrong with any system of economic structure (communism, socialism, etc.) is that people in power always want more. Even (most) wonderful people with grand altruistic hopes become greedy monsters when afforded power.

Don Hall 3/11/19 Don Hall 3/11/19

I Believe… [90% of Republicans Approve of The Trump, We Might Want to Re-strategize This Deal]

…that if 90 percent of Republicans approve of Donald’s “work” as president in February 2019, we’re doing a piss-poor job persuading them otherwise.

Don Hall 3/4/19 Don Hall 3/4/19

I Believe… [Give No Tantrum a Cookie]

…that when you reward petulance in order to avoid the conflict, the conflict will be ever-present. The tantrum-throwing child (or adult) should never be given the cookie to placate them.

Don Hall 2/25/19 Don Hall 2/25/19

I Believe… [Getting Lost is the Road to the New]

…that the best way to discover a new city is to put the GPS away, hop in the car, and drive until you are hopelessly lost. You look around and see the corners and turns, the businesses and people, then find your way back. Repeat.

Don Hall 2/18/19 Don Hall 2/18/19

I Believe... [“Fragile” is an Invitation for Abuse]

...that the height of delusional expectation is demonstrated most clearly when you write “Fragile” on a box being moved 2,000 miles cross-country. It’s like the box is a fat kid with a perpetually snotty nose in tight yellow Adidas shorts and a stutter — the bullies get in line to toss him under a couch.

Don Hall 2/11/19 Don Hall 2/11/19

I Believe... [We’re All Just Lazier Than Ted Bundy]

...that our collective fascination with serial killers is fucking morbid and shows us all to be the monsters who think — a lot — about murdering people but lack the gumption.

Don Hall 2/4/19 Don Hall 2/4/19

I Believe… [Why Billionaires Shouldn't Run For Public Office]

…that the notion that billionaires are more qualified than others to run the country is founded on the capitalist belief that CEOs are somehow better leaders due to their success in swindling others to amass an unnecessary and obscene fortune. Creating wealth is a fundamentally selfish pursuit; civil service is a selfless occupation. We shouldn’t mix the two.

Don Hall 1/28/19 Don Hall 1/28/19

I Believe… [No. You Come See MY Show...]

…that in the wake of goodbyes and farewells associated with leaving Chicago, your request that I come see your show before I leave is just so baldly self-promotional it renders me cold and crunchy.

Don Hall 1/21/19 Don Hall 1/21/19

I Believe… [154 Days Per Bullet]

…that six and three-quarters years is not a sentence for sixteen shots.

Don Hall 1/14/19 Don Hall 1/14/19

I Believe… [But Th-Th-They Do It, Too!]

…that the act of pointing out the bad behavior of others when confronted with your own is the act of a child. This is true for presidents, improv comedians, and people caught littering.

Don Hall 1/7/19 Don Hall 1/7/19

I Believe… [The Monotony of Public Outrage]

…that when outrage becomes so normal and monotonous that the expression of it is merely annoying rather than inspiring, perhaps a step back is necessary. I’m not tone policing, I’m tone suggesting.

Don Hall 12/31/18 Don Hall 12/31/18

I Believe... [Advertisers Should Die Uncomfortably]

..that after spending a week plus in Kansas, I can say that the worst thing about this country and the lives of a vast swath of its citizens is having to endure television advertising. Fucking Geico commercials can destroy even Godfather Part II. It’s like having an annoying 14-year old keep interrupting your show every fifteen minutes to poke you in the chest repeatedly, make armpit farts, and twerk to mouth-made beats. For three fucking hours.

Don Hall 12/24/18 Don Hall 12/24/18

I Believe… [Christmas Layoffs Are the Spawn of Hell]

…that any company that fires someone just before Christmas should be burned to the ground. That includes lauded comedy institutions, banks, orphanages, and indie record stores.

Don Hall 12/17/18 Don Hall 12/17/18

I Believe… [Channeling Gump]

…that, in the spirit of Forrest Gump, racist is what racist does rather than what racist says.

Don Hall 12/10/18 Don Hall 12/10/18

I Believe.. [At Least He's Number One in Scandals]

…that this Mueller investigation has patiently and methodically put together nothing short of the most corrupt and systematic presidential scandal in history.

Don Hall 12/3/18 Don Hall 12/3/18

I Believe… ["Ruby's Tears": Band or Craft Beer?]

...that the naming of craft beers has now eclipsed the art of naming both bands and albums.

Don Hall 11/26/18 Don Hall 11/26/18

I Believe... [Warning: Strobe Lights and Personal Castigation Ahead]

...that, in the spirit of appropriate trigger warnings, can we have some that warn us that a comedy show will be more like a lecture on how awful white guys are?

Don Hall 11/19/18 Don Hall 11/19/18

I Believe… [Beware The Golden Rule If You're An Asshole]

…that in the spirit of the Golden Rule, if you have decided it’s appropriate to harass people on the street or in front of their homes to make a political point, you deserve exactly the same treatment when taking your kids out to Chuck E. Cheese.

Don Hall 11/12/18 Don Hall 11/12/18

I Believe… [We Need a Purple Wave in Two Years]

…that we had us a bona fide Blue Wave and took back the House like a Boss but the Other Guys increased their hold on the Senate and we now have some serious persuading to do to pull off 2020. Gonna need a Purple Wave to win that one.